BEAR
KITTY HODGES A LOVE STORY Over
the years I have shared with my readers the antics of this very special
cat. Yes, I know, everyone
says their cat is 'special,' but when you have read about my boy, you tell
me! First
of all I must tell you that on my scale of favorite animals, the cat comes
in a distant third. The first, of course is a German Shepherd, second an Arabian
horse, and then the cat. So
why then, do I tell people that Bear Kitty Hodges is my favorite animal?
It is because, he is truly one of a kind. It
all began for us in August 1983. I
had moved to Arroyo Grande to make a new life away from Los Angeles, with
special friends, with whom I was to form the perfect permanent
partnership. The only thing
great about the last sentence is the alliteration! The partnership was
soon history, which is a long and very sad story. I will not bore you with the details. I was in the middle of
a drug infested, cult type environment, which for a 'goodie two shoes' did
not compute! I have never
drank, never taken an illegal drug, nor have I even tried a puff of a
marijuana cigarette. I don't
even know how to spell the word! Thank
heaven for spell check! As
usual I am wandering. Soon after my arrival I met this very skinny rough looking
ranch cat. He was poorly
looking, but I was told he was a very loving cat.
He was 7 years old, and for us it was love at first sight. Appropriately, I gave him my name, from that day forward he
would be known as Bear Kitty Hodges.
He was one of about 15 ranch cats.
He appeared to come around about every three days. One day soon after my arrival I picked him up, and took him
to the 20 foot travel trailer in which I was living during the transition.
I brushed him, wormed him, and offered him three different kinds of
cat food in three bowls for his approval.
He never left me. He soon gained weight, his daily grooming made his coat very
long and silky. He was a new
cat. The difference was like
night and day. He only left
for short hunting expeditions and would always be lying by my head while I
slept. To this day, 12 wonderful years later, is still his favorite
night spot. The
day came when I was to leave this place that I had thought was to be my
Shangri-La. My exit was a
very uncomfortable one. The only thing that was gained from the experience
was it made me a stronger, better person. The good news was that Bear was actually owned by friends who
lived on the adjacent property. I
went to visit Annie Kirk, Bear Kitty Hodges's original owner.
I said, "As you know I am leaving, and that over the last year
I have had this incredible love affair with Bear.
Please may I have your blessing to take him with me."
I added, "Before you answer I must tell you that in the event
you so 'no,' I plan to steal him!"
She laughed and gave me her blessing, telling me that she had
expected he would be leaving with me. In
1987, when I went through a major surgery, and I was restricted to bed
rest for 6 weeks, he was my constant companion.
At that time my parents were staying with me, and my Father was
amazed by Bear Kitty's loyalty to me.
He was such a comfort. My
Mother who is not a great animal lover, was also crazy about him. When God
made him, he broke the mold. I
sometimes think that I am not worthy to have such a friend and companion.
What joy animals are -- as I sit here working at my computer, Puff
is sitting on the chair beside me. Baio
and Cruise are sharing space under the desk, Bones is lying against the
filing cabinet, which is one of his favorite places, and Troy is lying in
his "house" [his crate], with the door open. Every
year I hold approximately 4 training classes for teaching puppies and
their owners how to live in harmony.
Without exception, Bear Kitty Hodges strolls through the new group
of students. If one of the
puppies is a little too inquisitive, he simply swats them.
They soon learn it is not nice to mess with Mother Nature or Bear
Kitty Hodges!! Good the phone is not ringing I will play my game - I love video games How Dare they Keep Calling - Don't they know I am Playing Video Games. As
my avid Quarterly Report readers know, Bear Kitty Hodges is in his 19th
year, and like all of us, with age we slow down.
I have built ramps all over the house to allow him passage to all
his favorite places. He even
has a small ramp leading to the waterbed.
This one he had only recently started using.
He loves to sit on visitors laps, but unfortunately is no longer
able to jump up, so he puts his front feet up, and digs his claws in until
they pick him up!! Even though he has reached such a stately age, he does not
have a single white hair around his mouth, and he looks great.
No-one can believe that he is almost 19 years old. Every
morning, while I sit on the end of my bed putting on my make-up, Bear
Kitty Hodges sits next to me. He is so close that you could not even put a piece of paper
between us. He just sits
there waiting for a little attention, and acting like a coach or director
who wants to be sure I do things properly.
Anyway it is incredibly cute. He
is so special! Last night,
about midnight, it was raining cats and dogs!!
He came in soaking wet, jumped onto my bed, shook his long gray wet
hair then plonked himself down against my naked warm flesh.
It was just like taking an icy cold shower when you really did not
want one. He seemed to be
laughing, could this be possible! Bear
in mind his wet feet left lots of muddy 'gritties' on my bed -- yes, he is
very special! Bear Kitty Hodges has been and still is my loyal and loving companion. He is worth his weight in diamonds -- actually one big solid diamond. The type that even Elizabeth Taylor could not afford to purchase. This photo was taken 1 hour before BEAR KITTY HODGES crossed over the Rainbow Bridge - he was almost 23 years young. The photo was taken on my bed. That is TROY telling him goodbye. He was a magnificent looking cat even at 22 years of age. The
Return of my Black Stallion Over 20 years ago, my passion to own a Black Arabian Stallion directed my travels far afield in search of my perfect, yet illusive dream. During those travels, I discovered South Winds Stud, an Arabian Breeding Farm located in Santa Barbara. The owner was Holly Bradbury, and her top Stallion was a picture perfect blue-black Arabian named "Gayronek." I immediately made arrangements to breed my black mare "Mysharina" [Missy] to this magnificent horse. GAYRONEK One
year later, I was the proud owner of a very beautiful black Arabian filly.
I named her "Misironek," and sold to my now close friend
Anita, in San Diego who also breeds black Arabians.
It is one of her black Stallions that stars on the Family Channel
series, The New Adventures of the Black Stallion.
Anita is a perfect size 3, has natural long platinum blond hair, is
Swedish, and was a model. I
decided that if reincarnation exists I want to come back looking exactly
like Anita. I
am wandering, how unusual! I wanted a stallion so I decided to re-breed Missy to
Gayronek in the hope of producing the dream black horse.
South Winds Stud had now moved to Goleta. They were located at a superb horse facility in the El
Capitan Ranch. It was during
my trip there that I was to come face to face with my dream horse. It was love at first sight, his name was "Gayhaazem,"
he was everything I had ever dreamed about. Haazem
was a two year old colt, and the first time our eyes met, it was a Kodak
moment. He was solid black,
no white anywhere, his head was perfect it had a beautiful dish, with the
cutest little ears, and his eyes were large, soft and very kind.
His body was correct in all places, his long thick mane and tail,
made me feel unworthy to be in his presence.
He was royalty. I spent time with him, he was a gentle giant with a great
enjoyment for my obvious love of him.
I later visited the ranch just to spent time with him. I became his devoted "groupie." I
spoke to Holly, in a childlike manner, I begged for the opportunity to
purchase this great horse. I
was told that he was being kept as a Jr. Stallion to Gayronek.
It certainly was not difficult to understand, but it was not fair,
Holly owned the factory [the sire and dam], and could in the future make
another just like him -- at least that was my theory!
I even offered to give them Mysharina in the deal, plus money too.
Now bear in mind that I sold Mysharina for $10,000 a year later, so
it was an excellent offer. Holly
told me that they would accept Missy [Mysharina] and $5,000. I asked for 24 hours to think about it. BIG MISTAKE..... Now
bear in mind in those days' $5,000 was an amount I could only have if I
won the lottery! However,
being the type of person who believes that 'you must speculate to
accumulate.' The next day I called to tell Holly that she had a deal.
In the meantime, Holly and her Mother Dorothy, who was very
involved with the horses, had decided that it would not be in their best
interests to sell Haazem. I
should never have allowed them time to rethink the deal.
I certainly learned a valuable lesson that day.
I have since then never wasted time making a decision, I commit to
paper and sign immediately. I
always follow my first gut feeling. Missy's second foal was a bay colt, which I called "Mysteronek." Craig, my roommate at the time, played and worked daily with Mysteronek. This was his dream horse, and unlike South Winds, I allowed Craig to fulfill his dream.
GAYHAAZEM Due
to my dealings with Holly and Dorothy we had become friends of sorts.
They seemed to understand my passion for their horse and allowed my
visitation. Fortunately,
their ranch was located far enough away that I could not be considered a
pest. In fact I took many
prospective buyers to their ranch that was now relocated to Apple Valley.
While contract terms were being negotiated with the prospective
buyers, I would spend ever second with my dream horse.
He remembered me, and this was one of the few reciprocated love
affairs of my life!! Time
passed quickly. By the time
he was 9 years old he had not been broken to ride. He spent all his time
in a small darkened stall to keep him blue/black.
He was eating the wood in his stall out of sheer boredom. His teeth
were being worn away by the constant chewing.
At that time, Holly had left the horses to try other life
experiences. Unfortunately,
Dorothy was at an age that she did not work with stallions.
Haazem was going to seed. I
begged her to let me bring him to my property and care for him.
I agreed to break and train him for her at no charge. I further promised to return him to her within 24 hours if
she so desired, with no questions asked.
She had been impressed by my horse abilities with other horses.
It was an uphill fight, but she finally agreed. He was coming home.
He was not mine, but he was mine to have and to hold.
I broke him to saddle, I broke him to harness, and built him up
slowly. However, nine years
of sedentary life had left him without normal muscle development and
growth. He was not a good
moving horse, he had obvious major leg problems, but he had a heart and
personality the size of Texas. I
recall during that time he was living with me, but he was not legally
mine, I received a call from Dorothy. She wanted to advise me that Corky Randall, the trainer of
the black stallion in the original movie, "The Black Stallion,"
was coming to look at Haazem. He
needed a solid black to use in the sequel.
Evidently they had experienced a lot of problems covering the white
on "Case Ole" the stallion who starred in the original movie.
During the many water scenes it became a constant battle to keep
the dye from running. Haazem,
was solid black and would not require any dye.
I panicked, I could lose him to Hollywood.
I recall bathing him with tears in my eyes to ready him for his
audition. Even though I hoped and prayed he would not be right for the
part, I wanted him to look perfect. My
only hope was that Haazem would not be big enough, I had heard they were
looking for a big horse. My friend Sally who kept her horse at my property
had a huge thoroughbred mare, who stood almost 17 hands -- that is really
big. We carefully planned the
moment I was to take Haazem out of his stall, she would just happen to
walk by with her huge mare. It
worked, Corky loved the way Haazem looked, but said he was just too small.
How sad.... I
am not really sure that I remember exactly how I became the legal owner, I
must have blocked that experience from my memory.
It seems that two years later I asked to buy him, and was refused
again. Totally frustrated I
had no alternative but to send him back to Apple Valley.
If memory serves me right I was not able to sleep, and was
tormented by giving him back. It
was no longer a desire to own a black stallion -- I already had one.
Four years earlier I had purchased a stallion from South Winds.
He was a very beautiful blue/black "Gayronek" son called
"S.W. Gayjur," who was probably the most talented horse I have
ever owned. At one time in
his career he was qualified for the U.S. Nationals in 4 events. {Western,
Native Costume, Trail, & Sidesaddle}. It
was simply true love. Once
again I contacted Dorothy, who finally agreed to sell Haazem for $15,000,
which was more than his present value. She knew I would do just about anything to raise the money to
own him, we both knew he was not a healthy horse.
He certainly would never have passed a vet check.
Haazem
was finally mine, he would never be a riding horse, but was a capable and
beautiful breeding stallion. His problems escalated in a short time, he needed surgery to
cut the check ligament. This
should have given his muscles the opportunity to stretch and develop.
Haazem was taken to the best horse surgeon in California, Dr.
Charlie Boles, who is located in Santa Ynez.
His prognosis for Haazem did not look good.
He started to founder seriously, and even with the many many
experts to help work on him, his days were certainly numbered.
With all his obvious pain, he still did a magnificent job of
servicing the mares, and without exception would get mares pregnant during
their first heat cycle. With very heavy heart, when Haazem was only 14 years old he
was put to rest and out of his misery.
I
had lost the fight, the infection in his feet won.
However, I did not give up easily.
Daily he would be soaked, one day Epsom Salts and the next day
Betadine solution. He would
be given a pound of carrots each soaking.
During the long soaking time, he would do cute things, such as cock
his head to ask for a carrot. He
could pick the hand behind your back that held the carrot.
He was never wrong. During
those days I had help from special friends, especially Pam who was so
great helping me with Haz's soakings.
She loved him too, he was such a gentle stallion.
Children could lead him around, walk under his stomach, he was so
easy to be around. I
remember just how cute he really could be.
I had trained him to cart, and would go over to Hanson Dam
Recreational Center with him pulling my buggy.
We would go around the area looking for aluminum cans and then
donate the proceeds to International Guiding Eyes.
Haz was so smart, he would see a can and stop.
I would jump out pick it up and then throw it into the basket in
back. As soon as he heard the
clank of the can in the basket he would start off again.
He was such a character. So
very very special and almost human. Most
certainly one of a kind. You will recall that I had sold Missy. Linda the wealthy lady who purchased her bred her to only the top stallions in the United States. She owned a syndicated share of the great stallion "Barbary." Barbary was being used so much that he only bred mares by artificial insemination. Linda was being charge over $3,000 per month for care, vet and other costs and two years in a row she had lost her foal. Linda, being a smart business woman called me, knowing that I loved her and told me that if I wanted her to go pick her up, she would give her to me. The vet had told her that the only chance she had of conceiving was by natural breeding. Linda did not have her own stallion, and really did not want to be bothered with the lengthy process of showing her to prospective buyers. MYSHARINA
& CONCEIVED OF LOVE When
I picked up Missy it was not the breeding season, However, in view of the
fact that she was supposed to be a problem, and that settling her in foal
was not going to be easy it seemed that we should try whenever she was in
heat. The first time we bred
her was in August 1985 -- Haazem performed like a champ, and she got
pregnant on the first attempt. The
following July 23, 1986, a very beautiful black filly was born.
It was a real love affair, so my baby was named "Conceived of
Love," and known to my readers as Luvy.
Luvy was the last foal Hazeem every made, but he did get to see his
final masterpiece. Last
year, I learned that Dorothy
had passed away, and almost all the horses disbanded.
However, Holly had a ranch in Santa Ynez and had kept a few very
special horses at her ranch, one of them was "Gayronek."
He was 30 years young, and still making babies.
I contacted Holly and asked if she would consider breeding a
granddaughter back. She told
me that she had had great success doing just that.
I sheepishly asked the price of his stud fee, and was shocked to
learn it was only $500. That was a fourth of what I had paid over 20 years
ago. The Arabian horse market
is at an all time low, which was a blessing.
Luvy was taken to meet the only horse she will ever know in that
special way. Gayronek had not lost his touch, to my amazement, Luvy was
back home vet checked in foal within 30 days.
She was vet checked by Dr. Boles, her father's Dr.
It really was a family affair! The
reason that I wanted to have one more baby by this magnificent stallion
was that above all his other great attributes, he produced TEMPERAMENT
plus. I had personally broken
5 Gayronek stallions, and many daughters, and they were all so easy to
work with and educate. Disposition
is everything, in people, German Shepherds, horses, and even cats. Over the last year we have all watched Luvy's bulge get bigger and bigger. She was due to foal on April 15, 1995. As many puppies as I have delivered, I have a fear of helping in the birth of horse babies -- go figure!! LUVY &
ASHLEY It
was the morning of April 12, 1995. At
daybreak I had gone out to feed the front field horses,
It was not fully light. Chip
and Spot were waiting to greet me for their breakfast, however Shady was
not around. I saw him way at the bottom of the field looking at Luvy in
the next field. The next
moment I heard the moaning grunt from hell!
I presumed that Luvy was in major labor and having problems.
I waddled at top speed [not very fast], in my sheepskin slippers
toward the horses. As I got
closer I was thrilled and delighted to see that Luvy had already given
birth and her baby was standing beside her already dry.
I was on cloud nine. The
noise I had heard was Luvy feeling the pain of allowing the baby to nurse. I
ran to the house to call Joan for help in getting iodine on the umbilical
cord. I was so excited and
emotional telling Joan that I could hardly speak! Can you believe with all the foals I have had, and at my
age... It's ridiculous..... At
that point I was not sure if I had a filly or a colt.
While
waiting for Joan I went to find out the sex.
To my great delight I had a colt.
He was perfect -- only white on the face and what legs!
Long, straight and very strong.
I had seen this look before, could it be, only time will tell. It was a week later and lots of avenues explored that I finally came up with his name. I had called all my intelligent friends to get Greek Mythology names, Shakespearean names, Arabian names and any and all good suggestions. Then while going through my San Francisco 49ers Report I came across the name of a football player, Trace Armstrong. Trace had a good sound. However, it was not quite right, then I found the word CHASTE that means innocent. So with the call name Chase, and the registered name "CHASTE OF LOVE," my new dream stallion is growing tall and strong. Follow his progress.
LUVY & CHASE
I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT THIS WOULD MAKE A GREAT MOVIE! THE
AUDIT It
seemed like any other fall afternoon when I sent Jennifer down to pick up
my mail -- wrong... Hidden in
the stack of mail was an official brown envelope from the IRS. Not too unusual, such envelopes although not regular were
often frequenting my mail. This
one was different. I was
being audited for 1992. Immediately
my body went into major stress. After
all that is what a body is supposed to do at such times.
I faxed the contents to Linda.
I swore that I would never own a fax machine, as I had many years
earlier about the prospects of me getting a VCR.
I guess I now understand why I do not believe in the word 'never.'
However, I will probably never fly again. I am rambling. Linda,
who is familiar with audits, and who always helps me with my returns,
seemed to think this could have been worse -- I still wonder how!
Then the long job of sorting, stacking, matching, counting,
remembering, and explaining began. It
is amazing how at 50 the gray matter is in control and for me trying to
recall my last sentence is sometimes a major assignment.
It was agreed that when I felt I was ready, Linda would come up for
the weekend and act as my mock examiner.
Seemed like a good idea at the time. The
first interesting thing I noticed, was that my letter from the IRS was
dated August 8, 1994. I
received it on the 29th, and they ordered in the body of the letter to
reply within 10 days from the date of the letter.
How!! I
called to tell them of the late arrival of the letter, and to request a
field audit. I explained that
it was very difficult to get away from the property, with so many dogs and
puppies that get fed and cleaned up after, three times a day.
Sarah, the receptionist, told me that her supervisor, Lisa, would
call me back. I explained
that I wanted to wait until after the 15th of September to allow me time
to finish and mail the Fall Quarterly Report.
I made a point of asking whether I should call back -- I was told
that someone would definitely call me. Linda
and Norma arrived Friday afternoon, and we all relaxed and enjoyed the
evening, The audit would start early Saturday morning.
At 8.00 a.m. my mock auditor was ready and waiting to begin.
By noon, I was in tears, and by 10.00 p.m. it was over.
From 7.00 p.m. to 10.00 p.m. we [Norma, the computer genius] had
worked with my computer to get it to print some of the things I needed to
show the real auditor. To
this day I cannot get it to do the same thing again.
I know if a genie gave me three wishes one would be to totally
understand everything about computers without reading any manuals! It
was now three weeks since my original call to the IRS.
I felt that I should call and remind them.
Linda assured me that one of two things would happen.
I would either get a bill from the IRS for approximately $24,000
which would mean they had disallowed all my expenses, or I would get lost
in the system, and good-bye audit. Even
though I felt that I was 100% OK, I still liked the prospect of being lost
in the system. Since I never
read, not even the big print, I could be guilty simply by my ignorance.
Leona Helmsley, save a bunk for me, we could be 'roomies'! While
Linda and Norma were visiting me, word came from England that their
beloved father had passed away. It
was a sad time, Linda, Norma, and her family are family to me. My friendship with Linda goes back over 32 years.
We came to America together, even drove across the United States in
my two seater sports car with a steering wheel on the wrong side.
Let me tell you there were stories about that journey.
We took Route 66! Anyway.
within days they were on a plane bound for England to be with their loved
ones. Just
two days after they had left another brown official envelope arrived.
This one was bulging at the seams.
The heart started pounding, the palms were sweaty.
I opened it, and the bottom line was that I owed the IRS $34,000.
This consisted of the $24,000 they had disallowed and penalties and
interest from 1992. My life
was over! The letter arrived
on a Saturday. No accounting
offices are open, Linda my support system was in England, and the IRS was
closed. I called Danielle,
Linda's daughter, she was very little help.
She promised to tell Linda when she called, and ask what I should
do next. My stress level was at an all time high.
You know this letter could be coming.
You can prove the legitimacy of all your expenses.
Yet it still is shocking for the IRS to tell you that you owe them
$34,000 plus daily accruing interest and penalties.
It is about all that is needed to put you over the edge and into
cardiac arrest!! Sunday
was a day that even my dogs left me alone.
They were always by my side, but never being pushy or irritating.
[Not that my dogs are ever irritating -- they just want to be
exactly where I am. Four
large and one small makes moving around a mobile difficult.
Also, they sometimes simply bug me for too many cookies.]
What great intelligence to know that I needed their support but not
their attitude. I love my
children. At
8.30 a.m., on the dot, Monday morning I started dialing the telephone
number of the IRS. It was
busy, and so I just let my auto dialer do the work.
By 9.15 a.m. the phone was
finally answered. It was
Sarah. She remembered me. Could I be difficult to forget?
So I asked her why I got the bill instead of the appointment.
She replied, "It's only a bill."
"Right." It arrives on a Saturday, allowing the stress level to reach
possible disastrous end result. I
took down names and times, and followed my telephone conversation up with
a registered letter to confirm I had called.
My bill stated that if they did not hear from me in 30 days the
bill would stand! This would
mean life as I know it would be over....
Sarah assured me that a Mr. Hugh Stahl would be calling me before
the end of the week. Fortunately,
for my now current heart condition, Mr. Stahl called me the next day and
we set up his first available appointment, which was the following Monday
at 1.00 p.m. I really wanted
a field audit, since I felt if they saw the kennel it would explain many
things that they were questioning. I
found Mr. Stahl very pleasant, I even offered to bring him chips and
salsa. [That will only mean
something to you if you have seen the commercial for Tostitos on
television.] I explained that I had bad legs, and that I would have a hard
time carrying all the stuff they were requesting, as well as getting to
his office. He offered to
meet me in the parking lot, and help me up to the third floor. He told me not to worry as they had an elevator.
"Elevator!!" I
explained, I would be brave about the elevator, since it was only 3
floors. It is amazing how
many phobias set in with old age, when you lead a sheltered stay home
life. I guess my fear of
heights was derived from riding horses on narrow ledges high up in the
mountains, Elevators from
watching too many suspense movies. Of
course, the heroine was always stuck in the elevator with a Mel Gibson
type, with my luck it would be the angry auditor!
Also living through several large earthquakes always adds to the
total picture. I think I am
rambling again -- something I do well. I
felt that being too pushy about the field audit could work to my
detriment. The appointment
was set, now all that remained was some final preparation, and then the
long wait. Seven days on
vacation in Switzerland zooms by, yet seven days awaiting an IRS audit
seems like a month of Sundays! The
day of the audit had finally arrived.
I got up early 4.00 a.m. and decided to pamper myself. I got my special bath oil from Switzerland and decided to
soak in the tub. I never was
very good at just relaxing, I always seem to be in a rush for one reason
or another. You would think
with my metabolism, I would not gain weight -- RIGHT!
Well, I was really going to do it right.
It was early, so I knew that no-one would call and visitors were
out of the questions. Now
bear in mind that as a woman of 50, shaving legs becomes a hazard, and one
only does it for doctor visits. I
shaved for the IRS audit. I
guess you have to be a woman to understand how special you feel with
freshly shaved legs, even though no-one will know or see them.
Perhaps it is the confidence level of knowing that if you get in an
accident they will cut your pants off you and find smooth legs.
Only women whose mothers raised them to always have daily cleaned
underwear, in case of accident, would understand. Billy
insisted on driving me to the audit.
At first, I said I would go alone.
However, I decided that in my stressed condition, and being so
preoccupied, I could hit something just getting to the audit being so
pre-occupied. When the time
finally came to leave for the audit,
I was actually really glad that he was driving.
He also was very comforting, and it was relaxing to make small
talk. When we arrived he
insisted on carrying my paperwork upstairs.
It was a small confining elevator, and I was glad to have a friend,
who although was not Mel Gibson, he would certainly rate higher than an
angry IRS auditor! He took me
to the big door with the big handle that said, IRS, Suite 308.
This was it, I had arrived. I
was acceptably five minutes early, and followed the telephone instructions
to advise Mr. Stahl that his 1.00 p.m. appointment had arrived.
At 1.03 p.m. he escorted me to his desk. The audit was in session. The
day before I had borrowed Joan's Polaroid camera and had taken two roles
of film in connection with areas that were under scrutiny.
They were questioning gardening expense.
I wanted to show the park like grounds.
I even took a photo of all my very expensive gardening equipment.
They also needed to see how much of the mobile is used in the
business. I had claimed 50%,
During the audit, with the help of the pictures, we decided I
should have claimed 95% -- it became evident that the dogs allow me to
sleep there! It
was stressful, Mr. Stahl was very nice, but my active imagination was
wondering if he was trustworthy, and what was he really thinking!
He had told me earlier on the phone that he felt it would only take
about one hour. I found that
hard to believe in light of the time my mock audit had taken.
One hour later, we were still on the first item, income.
I had a nagging feeling that his original estimate of time was
incorrect. By 3.15 p.m. we
seemed to be rushing through some things a little too fast, but it was
time for me to leave. Mr.
Stahl had kind words about the way I kept records, but yet,
was that what he really meant?! He
insisted on taking me down in the elevator, which I thought was very
thoughtful. Billy was waiting
for me, and took over from Mr. Stahl, I almost felt like a patient being
released from hospital. I
actually felt, and told Billy, I thought it had gone pretty well. It
was business as usual, however, the stress headache busted forth.
It is standard procedure for me to fall apart after the fact.
The headache was so bad that I had to give myself a head massage. Even that did not do the trick until the fourth massage!! He
had requested, at the time of the audit, additional information on four
things. The next day,
I immediately set forth to prepare and mail this additional
information. It is amazing
how much time it takes to reorganize your information at the time of an
audit. I am certainly glad I
do not have to pay someone to handle such work, the bill would probably
match the one from the IRS! I
am joking of course. It
appeared that all I needed to do was to wait for the final word.
Wrong... Just two days
later yet another official brown envelope came from the IRS asking for
further information! I
carefully compiled the new required information, and sent it registered to
Mr. Stahl. Again, I had to
wait for his findings. As of
the writing of this story, I do not now the conclusion.
It is almost like a murder mystery.
I will finish my story when I know the outcome. ....It
was about a week later when the next brown envelope arrived.
It was in the middle of a big stack of mail.
Everything else was immediately tossed aside.
Even the quick look through for possible incoming checks.
I did not immediately open the brown envelope,
I just looked at it for a while, what did the contents hold? This
could be a major changing point in my life.
Today really could be
the first day of the rest of my life!
This little brown envelope held my future.
Of course, this could be a request for more information.
The envelope felt as though it contained approximately 5 sheets of
paper, This was very encouraging since the one requesting more information
was a single sheet. I
just could not face opening the brown envelope. I do not think I will ever know just how much time passed
with me just holding it. I
finally took my laser jet paper knife, slowly, and carefully I made a
crisp incision in the envelope, by sliding the paper knife along the top
of the envelope. I had very
neatly opened the result of my IRS Audit.
I took the pages from the envelope.
The cover letter basically told me that if I agreed with the
findings, to sign and return one of the two enclosed copies.
These copies contained a lot of numbers and in some places the word
none. I was totally confused.
I immediately called Linda and at the same time faxed the contents
of the brown envelope. As the
pages arrived one at a time, Linda would be explaining what they meant. The bottom line was that my return had been Accepted as
Filed. It was over, Leona,
sorry, find a new roomie, I will not be coming. On
reflection, I do not really know why I got so worried about it.
I was audited back in the early 70's and that ended up in a credit
for me. I never cheat on my
taxes, although the first few years, in fact still today, I have a lot of
trouble with my computer. Crashes
seem to be commonplace. Press
the wrong button and information is lost and gone forever.
If you were to ever read all the books and instructions that come
with each program, you would certainly spend the rest of your life reading
with no time for anything else!! During the audit, I actually found some expenses that during
one of the crashes had been omitted and which were actually a deduction.
I also realized that saving every single receipt, even grocery
bills, which can fade and die, are most helpful.
I could probably get very rich by creating an infomercial.
I would offer a course in how to avoid stress during a tax audit.
My only problem, how do you avoid the two months of sheer hell.
You know you have done nothing wrong, but in this day and age,
with talk shows that are constantly discussing the many injustices
in the world, you have to consider the possibilities.
I really am glad I did a mock audit, I actually think Linda was
much tougher than the real thing. Well, the good news for me is that while all the people in the United States are awaiting their first brown envelope. I have had it, did it, done it, survived it, and lived to tell the tale. which I hope you enjoyed sharing.
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